In a world where we're more digitally connected than ever, genuine human connections continue to decline. We're facing what experts now call an "epidemic of loneliness," with Americans spending more time alone and significantly less time with friends compared to just two decades ago.

This troubling trend isn't just about feeling isolated—it has profound implications for our physical health, mental wellbeing, and quality of life. The good news? Creating meaningful social connections is a skill we can develop at any age.

Whether you've recently moved to a new city, find yourself in a different life stage, or simply recognize that your social circle needs nurturing, this guide offers practical strategies to strengthen existing relationships and build new ones. Because in the end, our connections with others might just be the most important determinant of our happiness and health.

Loneliness and social isolation have reached crisis levels. You might have noticed this in your own life. But it’s not just you.

We spend more time alone.
In the U.S., we are spending more time alone. In 2003, on average, we spent 285 minutes alone. In 2023, it rose to 333 minutes, which equates to an increase of 24 hours a month.

We spend less time with friends.
​But social connection is deeper than how much time we spend by ourselves. In the same time period, we've decreased the amount of time spent with friends from 60 minutes a day to a mere 20 minutes a day. The number of close friends we have has also declined. Almost half of Americans say they have three or fewer friends. In 1990, only a quarter reported the same.
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​We have less trust and community.
​We have less connection to our community, with only 16% of people saying they feel connected to their community. Additionally, trust has declined. In 1972, 45% of Americans felt they could reliably trust other Americans, and in 2016, it was only 30%. As we look around today, we can easily conclude this number has declined. 
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Awareness of the problem began to grow in 2014 when Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy took office. He went on a cross-country listening tour with the intention of getting to know the people he was serving, but what he uncovered was the people were suffering from loneliness. It was universal. People of all ages and backgrounds, in all parts of the country were experiencing social disconnection. And keep in mind - this was before COVID!

In 2023 he wrote a report called Our Epidemic of Loneliness. In it he states, “The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”

Maybe we should start saying, "Isolation is the new smoking," instead of "Sitting in the new smoking." Doesn't this make you wonder that if you do smoke, you should do it around friends? Just kidding - don't smoke, folks!

Murthy states that the impacts of loneliness could be more significant than physical inactivity. At The Everyday Creative Collective, we think that physical activity is tremendously important, so naturally, we believe this issue should be treated with the same level of importance.

It's not just in the U.S. Other countries have notice a similar phenomenon. The UK has a Loneliness Minister, a Tackling Loneliness Network, and a Loneliness Awareness Week. Whether or not these tactics are making progress on the problem is difficult to assess, but at least the UK is doing something. And their approaches recognize loneliness as a societal issue.
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It's no surprise that the U.S. is divided on whether this is a public health concern or an individual problem​. The U.S. has made some efforts, but they have been centered on specific groups such as seniors, veterans, and caregiver.

In 2023, a Loneliness Ambassador was appointed, but the title appears to be more honorary rather than functional. The appointee was 95 year old media personality and sex therapist, Dr. Ruth, making this position simply an acknowledgment of the problem and not a true solution. 
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​Given that loneliness is on par with smoking when it comes to the detrimental effects on our health, seems it should be a public health issue. We have antismoking initiatives and programs. Why is this any different? Yes, it is up to the individual to quit smoking, but there is support out there if they choose to do so.
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​This is also reminiscent of the issue of climate change. The onus of responsibility is placed on the individual - to recycle, reduce your single-use plastics, use compostable straws, eat less meat or responsibly-raised meat. The list goes on. But to really move the needle on the climate crisis, large systemic changes need to be made. People need to be within a system where these changes are easy to make, and changes are implemented at both the corporate and government levels.
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​The same can be said for social connection. Yes, there are individual steps can take, but when people do not live in a system that supports social connection, these steps are harder to take.

As individuals, we are influenced by structural and societal factors. Our Social Infrastructure has three components:

Broader social policies, cultural norms, the tech environment, the political environment, and macroeconomic factors influence our social infrastructure. The structure and social characteristics of the community produce the setting in which we build, maintain, and grow our social network.
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​Before we get too mired in the political dumpster fire that is the U.S. government, let's move on...

What exactly is social connection? It’s more than just your friends. It is a continuum of the size and diversity of one’s social network and roles, the functions these relationships serve, and their positive or negative qualities. So, structure, function, and quality.

Your social connectedness is where you fall on the continuum.

At one end, you have loneliness and social isolation, and at the other end, you have social overload, which occurs when you are overwhelmed by excessive social interaction or commitments. This has become particularly prevalent with social media because you have a constant influx of social stimuli.

This theory was developed by the anthropologist Robin Dunbar, who suggests there is a limit to the number of people with whom we can maintain social relationships. In his words, it’s “the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar.”

Estimates of this number are between 100 and 250, but 150 is usually the stated number when referring to Dunbar’s number. Our neocortical processing capacity limits it. The neocortex is a part of the brain responsible for higher-order brain functions like sensory perception, cognition, and language.

Dunbar's Number can be further divided into different layers:

Check out Episode 35: Social Environment & Mental Health for an art therapy directive that encourages you to visualize and draw out your social environment.

Individual Impacts of Dunbar's Number
When you combine your social environment with Dunbar's Number, knowing the number of relationships that fit into each layer, you get an objective view. Note layers that are lacking, areas where you may need to prune, or relationships that should shifts between layers.

You may only have one person (likely a spouse or significant other) you can call an intimate relationship. You can't rely on that one person to meet all of your needs. You have to grow that layer.

There is also an implication in your professional life. Many people get jobs through their social network. If you don't have 150 people that you can tap for insights into a job opportunity, you may find it more difficult to find a new position.

When you have more close friends, you have more people that can help in times of struggle. We also get happiness and satisfaction in helping others. Has anyone asked you for help lately?

Like other societal issues, the risk of loneliness if not equally distributed. People who are at a higher risk of loneliness fall into these categories:

When taken together, it encompasses a huge percentage of the population that is at risk for social isolation.

Improving your social connections is a bit of a catch-22, where it can feel like there’s no escape because of conflicting or dependent conditions.

The factors that facilitate or become barriers to social connection can reinforce either a virtuous or vicious cycle. Here’s an example - better social connection can lead to better health, whereas less social connection can lead to poorer health. But being in poorer health can be a barrier to social engagement. All your time is spent going to medical appointments or in the hospital, or you simply don’t feel well enough to go out and be around people.

Consider depression. When you are depressed, you don't feel like doing the things that you know would make you feel better, like going for a walk or seeing friends.

Or financial instability. You may have to work multiple jobs to support your family, leaving you with less free time to spend with friends and the family you're supporting, which can exacerbate loneliness.

There are many statistics that reinforce the idea that social isolation impacts our health, from cardiovascular disease, to diabetes, to hypertension. Since the interest here is mental health and brain health, we'll point out notable statistics in this area:

There are three mechanisms at work behind social connection and health: biology, psychology, and behavior. Social isolation impacts all three.
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​Biology
​Biology is related to inflammation, which increases with social isolation. It’s linked to several chronic diseases. Social isolation affects our neuroendocrine system, which controls hormones that regulate everything in our body, including blood pressure, blood sugar, digestion, and mood. Lastly, social isolation also affects the gut microbiome.

Psychology
Psychology encompasses our sense of meaning and purpose, as well as our perceived stress. When you have a sense of meaning and purpose, you are more likely to engage in health-promoting behaviors. Better social connections also provide increased opportunities and access to support. You don’t go through your challenges alone, so your perceived stress is lower.

Behavior
Behavior, obviously, is the things that you do, specifically your health-related and lifestyle behaviors. Those around you influence you - either directly (a family member reminding you to take your meds or go to the doctor) or indirectly through social norms (like not smoking, getting vaccinated, or exercising). This also can work in the opposite direction if your social circle engages in negative health behaviors.

Better social connection can be achieved at two different levels: large-scale societal efforts and individual actions.

In the 2023 Surgeon General's Report, Murthy proposed 6 Pillars to Advance Social Connection:
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​Strengthen Social Infrastructure in Local Communities
​Design the built environment to promote social connection and invest in local institutions that bring people together.
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​Enact Pro-Connection Public Policies
​Adopt a "connection in all policies" approach.
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​Mobilize the Health Sector
​Train healthcare providers to access and support patients and expand public health interventions.
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​Reform Digital Environments
​Provide data transparency and safety standards and support the development of pro-connection technology.
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​Deepen Our Knowledge
​Provide more research funding and increasing public awareness.
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​Cultivate a Culture of Connection
​Cultivate values of kindness, respect, service, and commitment to one another. Model these values and expand conversations in all social settings.
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​It's a comprehensive but lofty plan. And what the government does and what others do is beyond our control. We can only control what we do as individuals. It might not be our fault that we are in the situation we're in, but it's our responsibility.
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​While we are waiting around for a societal change around social connection, there are things we can do as individuals to improve our social environment.

The first step in building and strengthening your social network is to assess your current situation. Check out the art therapy directive from Episode 35: Social Environment & Mental Health as a helpful tool to guide you through this process.
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​You can also journal on the topic. Ask yourself these questions:

Once your situation is assessed, you can start to take action. Your action can be divided into two broad categories: re-igniting or strengthening existing relationships and making new connections. Reference Dunbar's Number to identify which social layer needs attention.
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​There are a ton of great ideas when it comes to growing friendships and making acquaintances. Planning weekend trips, give a stranger a compliment, or strike up a conversation with your barista. To make it a little more fun and get more ideas, Check out our Social Connections Bingo game!

Double the connection fun by recruiting a friend or family member to compete to see who can get bingo first or meet the most people - all while strengthening an existing relationship.

Be open and approachable. If you go out into the world with open body language, smile, and make eye contact, people will respond in kind (usually). It will be easier to start conversations and meet new people.
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​Remember, it takes time. Remember the University of Kansas study? It takes hours. Don't expect a best friend tomorrow.

Start small. Even a google search for a local MeetUp group is a good first step.

Building social skills is the same as building muscle. It may feel awkward (or even a little painful) at first. It will get better over time, and your social skills will improve.

During this show segment, we introduce four ways to interact with the material presented: A question to answer, a quest to complete, an aspect of creativity we've noticed this week, and a quote to ponder.

What is your biggest challenge in making social connections?

Play Social Connection Bingo!

Emily shares the story of how she met one of her best friends.

"In a world of algorithms, hashtags, and followers... know the importance of human connection."
​- Unknown

Health Effects of Social Isolation and Loneliness
Our Epidemic of Loneliness
Loneliness and Social Isolation in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Japan: An International Survey
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