Social connection is arguably the most impactful and important aspect of our lives. It can affect us in every way, and yet, most people are not fully aware of these interactions or don't completely understand their impact on our lives.

The quality of your relationships can be the biggest contributor to joy and fulfillment in life or, on the other extreme, can be the most detrimental to your success and happiness.

We can't talk about social environment without talking about trauma, so this discussion may be triggering for some. Please read (or listen) with care. 
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​It's impossible to discuss every iteration of this topic and how it impacts you as an individual. This conversation will center around generalizations and averages gleaned from Evie's experience as a therapist.
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​We encourage anyone struggling with their social environment to find a therapist in their local area. You can find a therapist through Psychology Today, The Art Therapy Association, or your insurance provider.

Social connection is an evolutionary trait.
Humans are social creatures, because connections with others is essential to our survival and ability to adapt. If you think about it, whenever you're first born, you are 100% dependent on your caregivers, and we learn that we need each other from the very beginning. We need each other throughout the lifespan and it's rooted in our biology.

Humans have an innate ability to form interpersonal connections
These bonds are vital to our well being. From birth, we are wired to seek social bonds for survival, emotional security, and personal development. This ability is driven by complex neural networks and the release of oxytocin, which fosters trust and bonding.

Social connections create culture and community.
Our culture is an emergent property of group living, and it shapes our norms and expectations within a social context. Think about communities in which you engage, there are certain expectations and certain ways of being within that social context, and it shapes how we operate in our immediate environment.

Social connections comes with warning signs.
When our need for connection is not met, it can manifest as feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or emotional distress. We don't always notice those little signals. Or we're not giving ourselves enough time and space to really reflect on how we feel. Or we don't do what we need to to protect ourselves from missing social connection or negative relationships. 

The social connections we form in childhood lay the foundation for our emotional well-being, relationships, and overall mental health in adulthood. Early interactions with caregivers, family, and peers shape our ability to trust, communicate, and navigate the world around us. Understanding how these early experiences impact us can help healing, growth, and building healthier connections as adults.

If the people around you are operating with positive energy - meaning they are helpful, supportive, accepting, respectful, understanding, and empathetic - especially at a young age, you are more likely to have better outcomes in adulthood.
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​The better outcomes include:

At the opposite end of the spectrum, if in childhood, you are surrounded by people that are in survival mode - meaning they are stressed, angry, envious, resentful, fearful, distrusting, irresponsible, or hateful - you are at higher risk for mental health concerns in adulthood.
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​These can include:

Very few of us get out of childhood unscathed and these experiences lay the foundation for relationships and how we function in adulthood.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) refer to traumatic or stressful events during childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction. The ACE score is a measure of how many of these experiences a person has encountered, with higher scores linked to an increased risk of mental and physical health issues in adulthood.

Understanding your ACE score can help identify potential long-term effects and guide healing and support strategies. You can find out your ACE score here. And if you want more information about ACE scores, watch this TED talk.

​The problem arises when we put others needs above our own. If we sacrifice our wants and needs for someone else, or put their needs first, then reciprocation becomes an expectation. This is especially prevalent in problematic relationships.
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And problematic relationships tie into adverse childhood experiences. Imbalance in social connections is caused by damaged relationships. We can think of these like faulty connections - like a plugging into a socket in the wall. If the wires and the plug are faulty, the connection is not made, and that energy is dispersed elsewhere. The energy diverts from the line and looks for somewhere else to ground.
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​In the case of humans, we have a need to connect. If for some reason, we can't connect to our caregivers in a healthy way, we'll seek out other ways to feel connected (or ground), often through substances or relationships that mimic the original disconnect in an attempt to reconnect.
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​People who experience attachment wounds in childhood are more likely to prioritize the needs of others over their own. Attachment wounds can stem from several childhood events:

It's important to be aware of your past, not to dwell or to blame, but to show yourself grace if you find yourself if repeated patterns of toxic or problematic relationships.

If you find yourself in a state of social overload, where you are sacrificing yourself for the benefit of others, the draw to course correct in the opposite direction may be strong. So, before you go off-grid to a cabin in the woods, consider the risks of the other side - social isolation.
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Loneliness​
Given our recent experience with the pandemic, most of us are familiar with feelings of loneliness. Loneliness is an emotional experience related to perceived social isolation. This can be you are physically alone or surrounded by people but still feel alone. Either way, you are not getting your emotional needs met within your social environment. You might not be emotionally supported or you feel that you can't be completely open and honest within your relationships.
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​The latest research reflects increased rates of loneliness in our society. And this loneliness comes with adverse health consequences including depression, poor sleep quality, impaired executive function, accelerated cognitive decline, poor cardiovascular function, and impaired immunity at every stage of life.
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​Isolation
​Isolation is literal physical separation. Some examples we may experience include a hospital stay, being in a nursing home, being alone at home, our time during COVID, or being incarcerated. Isolation is usually accompanied with waves of loneliness.
 
Research conducted in prison reveals deleterious effects on executive functioning, meaning poorer ability to maintain focus, complete tasks, plan, and regulate emotion and behavior. These are critical skills needed to function successfully in society. And these skills are negatively impacted from the experience of incarceration!

Many who enter the correctional system have higher ACE scores and have experienced attachment wounds. Because of this the prison environment is retraumatizing. To compound the problem, the expectation is for them to return as a productive member of society. Nope! It just doesn’t work that way.

This brings us back to the original question. How much is too much and how much is too little?
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​Think about it like exercise. You can't constantly exercise or your body will give out. There is a point of diminishing returns. The body needs rest, like time away from the gym or more relaxing activities. In this case, we also need times of solitude which is like rest from your social environment.
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It's time for a Vibe Check!​
In solitude, we can reflect and listen to our internal compass. We need time to reflect on our relationships and life as a whole. Here are some questions you can ask yourself after any social interaction:

As you are reflecting on your social connections, it's important to separate how you feel about a person from how they make you feel. The goal is not to blame or get down on others. And you are not judging the person or their behavior. You are becoming more aware of yourself and what you want to allow in your life. 

During this show segment, we introduce four ways to interact with the informtation presented: A question to answer, a quest to complete, an aspect of creativity we've noticed this week, and a quote to ponder.

How do you feel about your social environment?

Find out your ACE score and download the free Vibe Check to start exploring your social environment.

Evie establishes a system for accepted new clients in order to protect her time and space at work, while still expanding services.

"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously."
​- Prentis Hemphill

Adverse Childhood Experiences Questionnaire for Adults
​TED Talk: How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across A Lifetime
​Article: Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy
Article: Health Benefits of Social Interaction​
Article: The Risks of Social Isolation
Article: Can Too Much Socializing Actually Be Bad for You?
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